Several years ago someone I cared about deeply betrayed my trust in a major way. When I tried to address the matter directly with this person, I was initially met with a version of “you made me do it.” Instead of taking responsibility for harming me, they created a false narrative to keep from feeling the shame of such poor behavior. It was projection at its finest. This individual’s support circle adopted the lie as well, because it is far easier to label an outsider than to face a loved one’s sin.
Naturally I was very hurt by the situation. At first I wanted to speak the truth to a few who were misled, to correct the distortions and tell the complete story. I also longed for someone in this cluster to wake up and stand with me, to help get through to the one who had injured me. But I was soon reminded that “even the best explanation doesn’t guarantee understanding,” as my spiritual director says. So eventually I let that desire go, trusted my experience, and focused on appreciating the solid, high-quality relationships in my life.
Many things can cloud another's perspective, be it shadow or compulsions, denial or scapegoating. The bottom line, however, is that one is not able to really be known by those who cannot really see. So, make it a point to surround yourself with people who have good eyesight.
May you be inspired!