A good friend of mine once shared how she was working on addressing cognitive distortions in her life. She is excellent at her job, gets amazing reviews and feedback, yet something in her doubts her performance on a regular basis. As she put it, too easily she will disqualify the good and dismiss all the evidence that demonstrates the truth — that she is in fact doing very well in her field. Simply put, cognitive distortions are a bad habit of exaggerated or irrational thoughts that usually lean negative. 

The insights my friend shared, along with my own experiences and research, led me to put together the following process for working through cognitive distortions when they occur. It’s been a helpful tool for me, and useful when helping a loved one get out of that stuck place. 

1) Take some deep breaths to settle the body down. 

2) Define the problem. 

3) Describe what you’re experiencing at this moment about the problem (emotional feelings, physical feelings)? 

4) What are your thoughts about the problem that are causing you to suffer the feelings named above? (e.g. I’m a failure at XYZ, etc.) 

5) Is there any evidence to support these thoughts and, if so, what is that evidence? 

6) What evidence might there be to suggest that these thoughts are false? 

7) How will it help you to believe these thoughts, and how will it hurt you? 

8) What is a thought in the middle, between an all or nothing frame of mind, about this problem? (e.g. “I’m a failure at piano” vs. “I’m a perfect piano player”…the middle thought might be “I am decent at piano and I'm learning more every day.”) 

9) Who can you ask about their experience with a similar situation, to remind yourself that you are not the only one who has ever felt this way? 

10) What are some small steps you can take to move toward improving this situation? (e.g. “I can practice an extra 20 minutes a day.”) 

11) What would you say to your best friend or loved one if they were in your position? 

12) Ask the Holy Spirit to help guide you in truth. 

The next time you find yourself or someone you care about suffering unnecessarily over an inaccurate perception of reality, perhaps you can take a moment to work through this process intentionally. It may take time to strengthen or develop these muscles of healthier thinking, but it will positively be worth your effort! 

May you be inspired!